The Fearless Road

10. From FBI to Fear Fighter: Creating Spaces and Overcoming Fear with Cristal Cook

• Michael D Devous Jr • Season 1 • Episode 10

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Have you ever wondered how the fears you faced as a child might still be affecting your life today? Or how technology is shaping our ability to connect and communicate effectively? Join us as we navigate these complex topics with therapist, author, and children's mental health expert, Crystal Cook. Crystal's journey from accountant to therapist, fueled by her high openness personality trait and desire for change, is as fascinating as it is inspiring. She shares her wisdom about fear, unpacking its components, and offering strategies to cope with it. 

We also delve into Crystal's books, "Hope is a Butterfly" and "Braveheart Gracie and the Powerless Vacuum Monster," which aim to help children conquer their fears and phobias. Crystal’s unique perspective on children's experiences of fear, distinguishing between rational and irrational fears, will certainly offer you a fresh angle on how to understand and manage fear. We also explore the impact of her return to the US after living overseas for nine years, which serves as a backdrop for her passion for writing and promoting her books.

This episode is laden with insights on how fear can manifest in our lives and shares practical strategies for managing fear-induced stress, such as deep breathing and positive self-talk. We explore how technology has influenced our social skills and accountability, and share personal experiences, emphasizing the importance of practicing social skills and confronting our fears. Join us as we reveal Crystal's journey of vulnerability and fearlessness, discussing her transition back to the US and her efforts to promote her works. So, fasten your seatbelts as we embark on this enlightening journey, and remember to stay fearless!

Michael Devous Jr:

Happy holidays everybody. Welcome to the Fearless Road podcast episode 10, the final episode in our premiere season. Oh my gosh, I'm I can't believe I've made it this far. This episode is with the amazing Crystal Cook. She's a therapist and an author and specializes in children's Therapy and mental health, especially talking about fear with two of her books Hope is a butterfly and Braveheart Gracie and the powerless Vacuum monster, out this past fall and available pretty much everywhere. This is the foot one of the. I think this is one of the first recordings that I did this past summer, which you'll probably notice it's a bit Raw in some places, but that's okay.

Michael Devous Jr:

Still getting my legs underneath me, still figuring this thing out, this platform, how to operate everything. But, man, it's tricky. You know, when you take on something so much bigger than you and you really want to step fully into it Pardon me, my eyes are watering you know you can be met with a lot of obstacles along the way. As entrepreneurs and, by the way, I don't take that term lightly I think the term entrepreneur is Something that is still being defined, and it's being defined by those of us down here in the trenches, those of us in the valleys making our way, and it's not just because you get there and you're successful that you're an entrepreneur. It's the journey man, it's the, it's the road, the fearless road, that we all have to take to get there. And then this episode we talk a lot about fear from a bit more of a therapeutic in psychological standpoints.

Michael Devous Jr:

Pretty fascinating Stuff and, interestingly enough, probably one of the shortest ones I've done. I know you guys have stuck with me and I talk a lot and I, you know I get very excited and enthusiastic with my Guests about these topics. I really kind of want to shorten this stuff down. I promise you in 2024 we will be providing you with some more concise and, you know, bite-sized chunks of these things. I'll edit them down and get them to like maybe 30 minutes Maybe, and I'll be doing some snippets. I figured out some new software. I can get some snippets out, so that'll be helpful. Look for those in 2024.

Michael Devous Jr:

And oh, by the way, the event that's coming up In 2024, february 16th of 2024, the leadership navigator 2024 Seminar. It's an entrepreneurship seminar celebrating women in entrepreneurship, leadership executives, and we talk about some pretty incredible stuff coming up in 2024. It's all the things that are going to be on your plate and in the front of your mind. So check it out. Go to our Facebook page, go to our YouTube channel, go to my website, michael de vucom, michael de vu junior, pardon, mecom or the fearless road. You'll find information there and all those resources that lead you to Registration, which opens pretty soon.

Michael Devous Jr:

Other than that, man, have a wonderful holiday season. Have an incredible time with your friends and your family. Celebrate being an entrepreneur. Celebrate being fearless this entire season. Celebrate all the things You've done, the small steps to get up to the top of the mountain of success. You've been chasing that idea in your head that you had a long time ago to become Something, to do something, to have something greater than what it was you were doing, having or being right now is Coming to fruition and you are taking the steps and you are being successful and you are being fearless. And we know you, we know that, we recognize that, we see that. So, happy holidays. You're a gift to all of us here At the fearless road podcast for sticking with us, for a supporting us.

Michael Devous Jr:

That is the gift of the season for me. Yeah, and I'm gonna see you in 2024. I'm so excited. Okay, have a fantastic holiday season. Enjoy this episode and remember Stay here. Hi, everybody, welcome to the fearless road podcast. I am joined in studio today with crystal cook, an amazing woman who is doing some fearless work in the world of children's books and fear, but specifically on helping individuals deal with and overcome some of their fears and some of their phobias and some of their issues. Crystal cook, welcome to the fearless road podcast.

Cristal Cook:

Don't we need to just step in sure. Yes, so let's grab a little background crystal share, share with us and the audience a little bit more about yourself and how you got to you are today.

Cristal Cook:

Okay, yeah, you know, the older you get, the longer your story is, isn't it? So I guess I've always had a bit of an adventure spirit, and We've talked a little bit in the past about a personality exams and our personality traits, and one of mine is very high on openness, and so because of that, I like a lot of adventure, I like a lot of change, and that has been reflective in my life, and as a child I had a lot of different things I wanted to do when I, when I grew up, I wanted to clown.

Cristal Cook:

I want to be a rodeo clown, then a circus clown, and then I decided I wanted to be a private detective and solve murders and then. I wanted to work on a cruise ship and Even all opened my own detective agency when I was like seven and eight years old, so Nancy Drew and.

Cristal Cook:

I love Nancy. Do you know, I did my my whole. I read Nancy Drew, antrixie building and a cyclopedia of Brown, and I watched Scooby-Doo. So I had all the knowledge and, and as I got older, I think my mom thought, oh dear you know, dear Lord, what are we gonna do with this kid? And so she really encouraged me to do something, I guess, sensible, and Really highly encouraged me to become an accountant. Well, I did become an accountant.

Michael Devous Jr:

It doesn't seem as ambitious as all the other dreams that you had, but Right and not as exciting right and accounting is a great career.

Cristal Cook:

I'm glad I have that knowledge and the background, but it was to me it was a drug. Jury's like this is like Numbers, numbers, numbers. Baby, I'm gonna get another coffee, it was just it did. It was not a good fit and I decided to return to my childhood roots and found my way in the FBI as an agent, and that was great. It was a lot of adventure. I met a lot of amazing people and and realized you know, this, is it really my state either? Arresting bad guys and doing investigations and dealing with a lot of bureaucracy. It just didn't fuel my soul and, as life does, it gives you tragedies and heartbreak and you know, sometimes those are the things that walk, you know, just really shakes up your world. And I reflected on my life and I thought, gosh, if I die tomorrow, is this what I want? So I decided no, I wanted something different and I left the FBI and Decided to pursue a career in social work. So I went back to school, got a masters in clinical social work and have been on this path since then and it is. It is still filled with adventure.

Cristal Cook:

I this is, you know, I've been in this field now for 20 years and I've traveled all over the world and been able to work doing that and so Worked a lot with teenagers and kids and families, and for nine years I lived full-time overseas working with the military and the families and managed a program for the last two years of that and moved back to the states and I've been writing children's books and doing private practice and some contract work and really wanting to To begin talking to teens. You know about Self-limiting beliefs and fear and a lot of the books that the books my children's book series is all on social emotional learning, which includes Uncomfortable feelings, relationships, conflict, basically what we so is called life skills, and so I developed a book for kids to have, a fun book filled with adventure, that then they can learn these Skills in a way that wasn't really like preachy, like don't hit Joey.

Cristal Cook:

Well that doesn't really work right cuz. I said so, so like, if you yeah, right, because that's so like, well, I'm gonna really hit Joey now, you know. And so the way that you work with that is for someone, for a child, to care about Joey.

Michael Devous Jr:

And if we care about Joey and we know Joey ever attached to Joey will, maybe we're well, mr Roger has a quote that he, you know, gives that once you know someone's story, it's hard to hate someone once you know their story, or it's easier to love them once you know their story.

Michael Devous Jr:

And I love that about mr Rogers he's such a gentle, compassionate soul. But I think most of us, even in this world of connectivity we're supposedly we're so connected I think we're more distant and separate than we've ever been, and I think it's being reflected in the children as they come up and see. Access does not necessarily mean connection and teaching them the art of connecting and being familiar with and getting to know somebody so that they're not unfamiliar, they don't have to be afraid and they don't have to mistreat that individual based on assumptions that they're making right, because For kids especially, who are great storytellers, their little minds are gonna fill in all these little gaps about things they don't know, and if we're not there guiding them, then I would imagine that their brains are probably filling it in with all sorts of Well, probably wonderful and crazy things, but also some scary stuff too absolutely.

Cristal Cook:

And yeah, I love mr Rogers and you know, but and that's what he did, that's what I wanted to do with my children's books is, in a sense, like mr Rogers, like he taught, like every one of his episodes was a pretty major life lesson and some very deep and and and difficult. He did it in a way that was light and fun and very magnetic, and that's when they stick Right. You know, all of us in this age group we still talk about mr Rogers. You know we could you probably you and I could sing the mr Rogers tune and take off our our outside sweater and hang it up and put on our inside sweater, take off our outside shoes. You know, like those things sticking your brain.

Michael Devous Jr:

Well, just the opening song, the who are the people in your neighborhood? Begs the question Do you know your neighbors Like, do we know the people around us? Have we spent the time to get to know them and that very act in them?

Cristal Cook:

itself.

Michael Devous Jr:

Starts to bridge the gap between the unknown and what is fearful, and the known and what is familiar, right. And so, as people who are seeking opportunities to improve our fearlessness, that which is unknown always reigns sort of outside that little bubble where fear can play right. Fear has its way with it be in our minds and our spirits and other places, especially with little kids who don't know what to expect and aren't prepared. They could place so many different things outside that bubble. But when mr Rogers says who are the people in your neighborhood, he's inviting people in, he's asking you to invite people in, and I think that's an important lesson, not only for kids but also for us adults, that we probably should be wondering, you know.

Cristal Cook:

Yeah, and you said something that I think you really hit it pretty well. It's like right now we're so much more disconnected and it's isn't a counterintuitive when we have the internet and I can have a legitimate friendship with someone thousands of miles away and never meet them, and that friendship could be very real.

Michael Devous Jr:

Yeah.

Cristal Cook:

And authentic and, at the same time, I could be trying to engage with someone and they're sitting across for me on their phone and there's a lack of connection with the person sitting two feet in front of you.

Michael Devous Jr:

Yes.

Cristal Cook:

And you know what I found working with teens over the last, I would say, a few years and this has been consistent whether I was in the US or Italy or Germany Army Air Force is they would come to me and tell me about this very intense conversation with their significant other or their best friend and it would end up going down a breakup. And I would go oh, my goodness, you know what was that person's facial expression? Like what did they say? You know, did they cry? Like I don't know, it was through texting. But wait a minute, you had this entire conversation through text, like yes, like it's. And they would say it is more comfortable for me to text someone than for me to talk to them face to face. And in that you have that right, that lack of connection, that lack of knowing, because we can say some treating me things on the phone, texting, than we would never say to someone looking at them in the eye.

Michael Devous Jr:

Well, that speaks to self-regulation.

Michael Devous Jr:

I find it fascinating that kids people today they're not kids anymore. I guess, now that phones have been out for better part of two decades, that they, that they can default to the easiest, most convenient and comfortable version of communicating, which which eliminates personal responsibility, or at least it reduces it to a certain degree. And when you and I were growing up we didn't have phones, we didn't have cell phones. If you had to speak to somebody, break up with somebody, talk to somebody, you had to do it face to face or you had to do it in a letter that you wrote, or on the landline.

Michael Devous Jr:

you know which typically you were. You know talking to your besties and stuff all the time. But we had to be accountable for our words and that meant action behind them. That meant you had to step to the person, speak to the person and address them specifically if you had an issue specifically with them. You couldn't do it in a text, you couldn't do it in an email, you couldn't be flippant and non plus about it. You had to take it seriously and that meant you had to choose your words carefully. You had to know what you were going to say and why you were going to say it and you couldn't.

Michael Devous Jr:

You could not not be accountable, like you had to be held accountable because you were doing it in person, and I think this level of accountability seems to have just sort of faded with this, these two next generations who don't have the same what's the word? We weren't forced to do it, we just didn't have any other options, right, we didn't have the other option of bowing out. In fact, you know, maybe your mom was similar as my mom. If I had a problem with somebody and I was avoiding it, she would make me get them on the phone or directly approach them. There was no choice.

Michael Devous Jr:

It was like you seem to have a problem. You need to call them up or bring them over right now. I'll call their parents and have them come over and we can have a talk. Who does that these days?

Cristal Cook:

We were forced to have social skills. Yeah.

Michael Devous Jr:

And even if they were bad ones, we were forced to have them, and then practice.

Cristal Cook:

Right because that's what helps you develop good social skills as practice. And I was incredibly shy child and if I would have grown up in this era, I probably would have been one of those children who escaped into my fault because it's safe and I see that was one of my friends and her daughters one in particular so incredibly shy. But when I'm around her and I'm trying to engage in conversation, this is the protective, it's the protective barrier because as long as she's got that, then she doesn't have to communicate.

Michael Devous Jr:

But don't you think that this sense of safety behind the phone or in the phone or through texting is a false sense of security? And the reason why I say that is because if they lack the skill set to approach an individual actively, if they lack the ability to communicate one-on-one with someone because they've spent so many years hiding behind a text or phone or their Facebook or their Instagram, that's not real safety. That's actually losing the ability to interact with the world. You are now truncating, you are now stunting your social growth by defaulting to this method.

Cristal Cook:

And losing potential friendships and relationships.

Michael Devous Jr:

Sure, yes, and that's increasing the fear factor, because now the distance between you and actual interaction gets greater and greater and greater. So the idea of having to do it becomes even more fearful when you have to do it in person.

Cristal Cook:

Right, absolutely I agree with you.

Michael Devous Jr:

So what would you say? If you have one, do you have an origin story of fear, where your fear might have started? What are some of your biggest fears that you've dealt with in your life? Joining the FBI must have been huge. That's no small undertaking.

Cristal Cook:

It's interesting because the things that you think would scare me don't. I can go into fight mode. For instance, I had a really scary situation where in the nighttime I was in the shower and I just you know that where you know something, the hair rises on the back of your neck and something's off.

Cristal Cook:

There could be no. How could there be something off? I live in this Italian Dilla alone. I'm on the second floor facing the, you know the. What is it called? The? The inter, the yard I think there's a word for it in Italy and I'm on the second floor Like how could there be anything awry? But I knew something. There was a man Outside of my window that, had you know, walked on these, these roof for a while to get to my, to my window, and I went into full-on fight. I mean, I can't say that I wasn't scared by when it's long fight mode. I opened that window. Thank goodness he's faster than me. They opened the window. I don't know what I was gonna do Punch him in the throat? I don't know well.

Cristal Cook:

But you know, I was scared, but I was more angry. Yeah, I was, you know. As matter of hornet, yeah, now I, I was on the train. One. This has happened more than once, but it's give you this one example. I mean in Germany with a friend and we're going to another cute little town and there's a group of guys Close in my age Come on, they're not. And then we're not talking about 20 somethings, we're talking about, you know, 40 somethings. They get on the train and really nice looking guys, nice funny one in particular, I find you know, very handsome, he should sits across from me and starts talking to me. I Petrified and so funny now you're so interesting right now I'm scared right.

Michael Devous Jr:

I. You're on a train, you're with your friends and all of a sudden you freeze up.

Cristal Cook:

Freeze up, yeah not only do I freeze up, but my whole neck breaks out like that, lottie red stuff and I, I Nothing will come out, and really like Marcia Brady, which is like scratching.

Cristal Cook:

And so there was no danger, but it was a total irrational fear. Now, interestingly enough, when he was sitting to the side of me and I wasn't looking at him and I couldn't like be so transfixed on how handsome he was, I could actually have somewhat of a conversation. But you know, so I don't know the things that scare me. It doesn't even make sense. I mean, I don't know what my fear is.

Michael Devous Jr:

I guess I but don't you think that's? Although I mean for most of us, what scares? I start, I should say and I don't like the word scare, because to me scare is like Scary movie. Someone jumped out and scared you, and I feel like I've talked to you about this before too which is why we apply the word fear to so many different things that necessarily may not fit the definition of fear. Anxiety-ridden Paranoia is so different. You know, I mean that's a whole different category any phobias that you have very specific clinical type things, whereas these, and they are irrational because almost all of them have to do with the future I think you mentioned this before which was the, the acronym for fear, which is future events.

Michael Devous Jr:

False evidence of false evidence of period real I'm gonna rewrite. One day I'll put it down properly false evidence period real.

Michael Devous Jr:

Ladies and gentlemen, remember that, because I just keep forgetting a false evidence appearing real and we are projecting right our worries, doubts, fears on to something in the future that hasn't even happened yet. Right, it's not even real, it hasn't even actualized, but we're placing it out in front of us and to me there's nothing more irrational. Then there's nothing different than you dreaming. If I dream about something in the future that's amazing and big and beautiful, then I'm also fearful that it's tragic and going to go bad. Like we are producing those responses To something that's out in front of us because we either a want something so badly we want to chase after it or be or fearful of losing it if we mess up and do something wrong, but neither one of those are true yet. So why do we? Why does the brain do this?

Cristal Cook:

I don't know, isn't it funny, can you know that? Then you know, our brains were developed, you know, way back, and we have so much evidence behind us to support Taking chances on ourselves.

Michael Devous Jr:

I mean, it started when we were walking and rusing our knee or riding a bicycle Going on a first date or anything else like that. We survived these things. We took chances on ourselves. We didn't die. They weren't terrible, right. Nothing harmful and terrible happened. They're difficult, embarrassing maybe, but nothing terrible so why do we? Continue to? Why does our brain continue to place this stuff out in front of us?

Cristal Cook:

Well, our brains are Hardwired to protect us and our brains don't know the difference between life and death, fear life and death situation Versus not life and death. It just goes big, like Um, what if you know that it goes by? This is, you know, um, like this is scary. You know, for instance, I'm gonna take an exam, I'm gonna take an exam, and this is scary. Our brains don't understand that it's not life or death.

Michael Devous Jr:

So the amygdala that's releasing these endorphins or these hormones or whatever these chemicals if you will, into our bodies, it's the same chemical regardless of the type of fear.

Cristal Cook:

Yeah, because of the fear, yeah.

Michael Devous Jr:

So it's up to us to sort of filter this. It makes sense of it.

Cristal Cook:

It's up to us to use the front of part of our brain, the frontal lobe, to say okay, wait a minute. Okay, crystal, wait a minute, take a breath. This is a nice person sitting on the train with you. You may never see him again. Just take it, and taking a deep breath Resets everything right. Because when we get panicky whether we're panicking because Life or death, or we're panicking because we're nervous about getting in front of the class and giving a presentation, or talking to a handsome guy or getting ready to take an exam we go into Our sympathetic nervous system, which is fight or flight, and that's why we get stomachaches, that's why we start breathing heavy and we start sweating, and we don't have access to the frontal part of your brain, our frontal.

Michael Devous Jr:

You mean it's like shut off temporarily or just.

Cristal Cook:

It's yep, it goes to sleep. That's why when people have anxiety, they fail the test or they don't do well, because that part of their brain they can't Know. I kind of like with me and the guys like, uh, what is my?

Michael Devous Jr:

name. I don't even know what my name is.

Cristal Cook:

So that because, if you think about it, you know, way back when we, you know, thousands of years ago, hundreds of years ago, um, we were, we weren't faced with exams, we were faced with warring tribes, Animals that could kill us, just basic getting our needs met. And so If we're, you know, going on a hunt and a sabertooth tiger is gonna chase after us and snack on us.

Cristal Cook:

We don't need to think, we don't need to think about an algebraic equation, we just need to put all of our yeah, react and so everything, all of the energy in our brain goes back to the reptilian part of our brain fight, fight or freeze and our stomach shuts down because we do not need to digest that stand, which we need All the blood to go to our big muscle groups, which is our arms and our legs, and everything to go to our lungs. And we need our eyesight, so our eyes dilate, and we need a good sense of smell and we just need to be able to run.

Michael Devous Jr:

How do you? Sorry to interrupt, how do you okay? So one of the things that I find interesting that when a situation occurs A car accident, big, panicky thing that most people would freak out about I'm usually the one that's super calm, like everything. Just I had this warmth that comes over me. I can think very clearly and I'm the one that's organizing, doing the, organizing the CPR, making sure people get what they need done. I just have this. What? What's the difference for those of us who react that way under those kind of stressful situations as opposed to other individuals who like freak out and can't Right and this part of your temperament and that's that came out very clearly in your EO personality assessment, so for folks out there who don't know, I took this neopersonality test.

Michael Devous Jr:

Uh the crystal set me and we are gonna look at those results on the show today that I haven't even seen yet, so I'm very excited to see about that.

Cristal Cook:

But yeah, um and so and so just a real quick to go back. So when we are in that panicky mode, that sympathetic nervous system and it's talking to the cute guy on the train or getting ready to take an exam taking a deep breath Helps us switch back to the parasympathetic nervous system keeps us from. So, in answer to your question, all of us have a temperament, right. You know, some people are really funny, some people tend towards depression, some people Always are optimistic. Some people like to be around a lot of people, other people like to be alone. So there's a basic baseline temperament, right. And so people who work in an ER are like you, they don't get rattled too much. Other people, when an acute situation like that arises, they go to you know, to panic.

Cristal Cook:

Maybe they just freeze. They just and that's part of their temperament. Now they can learn strategies To learn how to calm down when things get really stressful, that their baseline is always going to be more Panicky, whereas yours, in the cute situation like that, you stay calm, cool and collected. You know and not it just everybody's different.

Michael Devous Jr:

So, before we want to, before we go on to those Results or whatever, what are some others? I mean, you just mentioned one which is count back from I'm assuming from 10 you count down. What are a couple other strategies? We give the top three strategies. If you were to provide them that people could use when they're in a situation where they Feel like that's coming off.

Cristal Cook:

Definitely, breathe deep, just take a minute and just slow it down. Take a deep breath, slow it down, and then self talk is like I'm okay, this is okay, I know. Like, for instance, I'm going to give you an example on the exam Take taking the deep breath, I study this, I know this material, it's okay.

Michael Devous Jr:

Why does it sound like my mom's talking to me when?

Cristal Cook:

you do that. Maybe your mom helped calm you down right um, well, they did.

Michael Devous Jr:

I mean our moms when we got panicky's kids. They sit on, calm and soothe us, right? They use that soothing voice, that that calms you down, and is that what that self talk is for us? That we should be using that Soothing self talk?

Cristal Cook:

and another thing this is a great little thing is to do this. You know, like if you've seen Sometimes kids who are on this, they used to. I think that the terms have changed. I've been overseas for so long but I think it used to be called autistic, but now I think maybe the terms have changed, maybe it's a lot to them, but they would call it flapping, and a lot of times the role of a banana flap. Well, somehow they know inherently that when the lateral hemispheres of their body is stimulating a rhythmic motion, it's calming. So you can do that, you can do it like you don't have to. You know flap and you know be really um Conspicuous about it. You can just kind of go like this or tap your legs, but it's like or if you this I always end up doing that say rub my arms.

Cristal Cook:

That helps. I catch myself rubbing my arms and this you know, but you or but anything holding myself in a rhythmic motion back and forth and you just Take a deep breath. It's okay, I'm gonna be okay, I'm gonna be okay, okay. So take a deep breath.

Cristal Cook:

That's like count back from 10 to self sooth talking and a physical gesture of some kind that that helps bring rhythm and like a soothing rhythm back into your moment and I can be like just even tapping right, knee, left, knee right, knee left, knee right, knee left no one even sees that you're just doing it.

Michael Devous Jr:

Feel it's not like the, the, the method. That is that similar to the method that if you sing a song, um, you do, you have a like, a, a thought, or your monkey mind, as I call it, the monkey mind, or whatever chattering and going around. But it can't work if you start singing a song, so you just start singing and then that way it gets. I mean, it's, that's what's going in your brain.

Cristal Cook:

This is more somatic. It's a somatic.

Michael Devous Jr:

Yes, okay, we do a lot of trauma work.

Cristal Cook:

It's just somatic, and what works better is if you practice all these things beforehand.

Michael Devous Jr:

So if you have a practice, of prayer or meditation so we don't want to wait till the moment of chaos to like to use your skills.

Cristal Cook:

Where's my notes?

Michael Devous Jr:

I know right.

Cristal Cook:

Yeah, for sure, but deep breathing is so helpful. Let you breathe in for three.

Michael Devous Jr:

Hold it, stay in the life. Yeah, yeah, yeah for sure, yeah.

Cristal Cook:

So even just practicing beforehand and like if you have Anxiety, you know, test anxiety, you know before the exam, picture yourself doing really well, put yourself yourself going into the exam and being calm and knowing the answers, and so it's like kind of like what you say, like really visualizing the future happening in a positive way.

Michael Devous Jr:

And yeah.

Cristal Cook:

I've seen your deep breathing and doing the yoga practice. Exercising all of those things beforehand will keep you in your moment. It'll keep, help, keep you You're. You may still be nervous, but you're not going to be up here, you're going to be down here, more manageable.

Michael Devous Jr:

One of the things that I I think and maybe this is just me observing People, the Nervous Nellies. I call them nervous Nellies, people that's constantly worrying and sort of anxious about certain things or whatever. But I said it was interesting that I I'd realized recently they are actually Practicing the art of worry because they're constantly engaging with that, with that side of themselves, whereas those of us who this self soothing talk, this positive vision, in visioning the future with a positive outcome, how many of us actually practice that daily, as opposed to our brains, which practice that, that art of chatter and self negative talk that's always going on. Why does that help always happen, as opposed to the opposite? Why isn't our brain talking to us positively all the time?

Cristal Cook:

It's a good question. I think that probably anthropologists would have more knowledge on that.

Michael Devous Jr:

We've got to get them on the show. Do we have a caller calling in?

Cristal Cook:

No right, it's like right now, and honestly, we have got so much noise in our world right now and I think back even when our parents or grandparents were growing up they were outside, they were working, they, physically, were working, they were you know. So they're exercising, they ate natural food, and we have got the internet and we got phones and we've got texting, and we've got so much noise going on right now that I think it's harder to quiet things down, because there's noise everywhere.

Michael Devous Jr:

That's like when we were, I think you know I guess I would speak for you and I, but our generation and stuff, you know, if we were latchkey kids or not even latchkey kids, we didn't even have a key because things were so safe, no one locked the door. No one locked the door, like you came from school and you went through the back door. Maybe you locked the front door, but the back door was always open.

Michael Devous Jr:

The back door was always open, you know, but we didn't veg out on our iPads or our phones. We got home a snack or whenever, and then went out to play. We engaged with the physical world and our imagination, because that's what was left to us in order to entertain ourselves. And I'm curious about the development of kids these days, if there's any studies or anything like that that are being done the difference between the development of a child's brain in this current environment as opposed to ours that had such activities.

Cristal Cook:

Absolutely. I think there's got to be a lot. You know there's a lot more ADHD now than there was when there was kids.

Michael Devous Jr:

Oh, that's true.

Cristal Cook:

You know, and like you said, like when we were kids, we were outside. So if we were riding our bike and jumping and made jumps, we had a focus right, or we were going to wreck our bikes and get really hurt and there was no grownups around us if we got hurt, right.

Michael Devous Jr:

True yeah.

Cristal Cook:

So we didn't really want to get hurt. So we paid attention and we were mindful and we were focused and our brains weren't thinking about you know this video game and that and this and that and the other. We were really present in the moment. We were in the moment and so I think, when people grew up being present in the moment, it is easier for us to then go back to that and then not everybody thinks there are some people who struggle with that. That worry, the constant worry, yeah constantly.

Cristal Cook:

But you know, now kids, it's like it's hard for them to slow down and just be present.

Michael Devous Jr:

Yeah, To sit still, just to sit still and be in the moment like without having to be distracted, give me my phone.

Cristal Cook:

Give me my phone or I want to play a video game.

Michael Devous Jr:

Yeah, I had a friend of mine that came up to visit here at the ranch with her son recently and he's 11 or 12. And we were like the phone tell him put your tablet down. We're going out into nature. We're actually going to go walk on the property, on this 50 acres of you know map.

Cristal Cook:

Yes.

Michael Devous Jr:

He actually was like kind of upset about the idea. It was like just put it down and walk with us. What are we going to do? We're going to walk and talk. We're going to visit nature.

Cristal Cook:

What else yeah?

Michael Devous Jr:

What else do you need? I mean nature around you is so beautiful there's so much to see and you know and interact with and engage with and be present with in this moment than your phone and just it was this weird disconnect that I could see was like, wow, vastly different generations of people who experienced life. Absolutely.

Cristal Cook:

Absolutely so different, yeah, and peanut butter allergies.

Michael Devous Jr:

I mean that's got to be a thing Like that. Didn't happen when I was growing up, Everybody had peanut butter.

Cristal Cook:

Yeah, Exactly, that was our, you know our mainstay right, we didn't have a lot of allergies. So that is interesting, how many allergies there. But I know, when I was working with teens, a lot of them that run. A lot of them run high on anxiety right now and I that's. One of my theories is that there's just so much going on. But those kiddos, the one way that they could slow their brain down is if they could be forced to immerse in something that took a hundred percent of their mind, which was acting. So I would have kids that were high, high anxiety. But they could act in a drama and have zero anxiety. But it's because they were a hundred percent present in that moment when they were out.

Michael Devous Jr:

Wow, that's interesting, because role playing you know, pretending I mean something, naturally, that comes to kids all the time. You wouldn't think right. The act of doing it provided them with some sense of calmness and understanding and control for themselves.

Cristal Cook:

Because they were present in the moment, because they were getting into character. A hundred percent present in the moment.

Michael Devous Jr:

Yeah, so, before we move on to like Gracie and the dog, which is Gracie's one of the characters in her books, I have this quote that she says in one of the books but do you want to like talk about the book or do you want to talk about my results? Like, where do we want to go with this right now? Do you want to like save my results so later, or do we want?

Cristal Cook:

to like jump into it. We can do the book Can you brought it up this, okay.

Michael Devous Jr:

So with my own eyes I've seen it eating the doggy treats and bones and toys that I meticulously buried between the couch cushions. If it can eat doggy bones, it can eat dogs and Princess Padelope too. So look at this moment, for those of you who don't know, gracie, the dog is interacting with the vacuum. The monster is the vacuum, and everybody knows how our pets respond fearlessly to these irrational fears, to this vacuum that's making all this noise. But what struck me about this comment that Gracie makes about the vacuum is our ability, even kids, to project potential harm from an assumed set of criteria that we think we already know right. If the vacuum can suck up all these things out of the couch, what do you think it can do to me? And immediately we attach all this fear to it? Is that something that kids do? You find kids do a lot.

Cristal Cook:

I think, as humans we do, don't we? I mean?

Cristal Cook:

again fear was meant to be a life-saving emotion for us, and so our brains were hardwired to okay, look for fear, because if we look for fear, then if we're people back, we're going to go back in time. Those of us who were hardwired for fear, who ran high on anxiety, were the ones that survived, because people like you quite honestly, michael, you would have been eaten by the same brachous tiger, maybe when you were less than a year old, I would have stuck my head in it.

Michael Devous Jr:

You're like check it out. Do you want to be my friend?

Cristal Cook:

right.

Michael Devous Jr:

I was so cute, could I?

Cristal Cook:

have pet you so people who were fearful lived, you know, Because it saved our lives right. And so part of that is to how safe is this? And we go through a very fast process of if it can do ABCD and we fill in the blanks, like you said.

Michael Devous Jr:

Yes.

Cristal Cook:

And that, yes, can be life-saving. At the same time, it can create irrational fears and not fill in the blanks correctly. And so, now that we are more advanced and we don't have saber tooth tigers looking around every corner, we can say okay, okay, and it can eat doggy treats and my toys. Can it really eat me? Have I seen it eat an animal?

Michael Devous Jr:

Right.

Cristal Cook:

Let me slow down a minute, you know, and so that's what's Charlie is trying to teach Gracie is get more information first and not fill in the blanks.

Michael Devous Jr:

Okay, so there's a great tip right, besides taking a 10-second breathe, breathing and using self-soothing and maybe just ask the question oh, I forgot what you just literally just flew out of my head when he was telling Gracie to check the information that you have. Right, let's go back over this. Can this really harm you? Is that really the outcome? Are you projecting something that is not real, or are you assuming something? That's assuming an outcome that isn't real, based on where you're currently sitting, in a place of fear, or are you sitting in a place of positive Like?

Cristal Cook:

that's a good tip. And get to a safe place to do that right, because you know, if there is, you know, someone walking down the street and gosh, you know, I just saw him punch that woman. Am I safe? You know, I probably would not want to be around, but I would, you know, try to get to a phone, call 911, but I would also put myself in a place where I'm safe and then get more information. You know, maybe you know, maybe he didn't really punch a woman, maybe they're filming a movie.

Michael Devous Jr:

Right, and it was fake, right Right.

Cristal Cook:

So there could be other explanations, but the one thing that I did want the kids to get is get into a safe place, then get more information.

Michael Devous Jr:

And how do we identify a safe place? If we're the parents of kids and we know that little Johnny and Gracie and what have you you know they have these fears and that's okay. It's natural for them to do so. How do we assign a safe space? Is that something that you do together as a parent and a child, and you choose some place that feels good for both of you or for the child?

Cristal Cook:

But yeah, that's a really good question. Actually, you know, a safe place to me is distancing yourself from the presumed danger. Look. So if say, for instance, with Gracie she was able to run out of the doggie door and she's outside and she's able to watch the vacuum monster from outside, and so she's safe from the vacuum monster, so then from that vantage point then she could look and see is this safe If you're a child and something scary happens and you can find a trusted adult and that adult can keep you safe until you can gather more information. Now the other thing too is, sadly, as a child, not all adults are safe.

Michael Devous Jr:

True, that is true.

Cristal Cook:

Not all trusted adults are safe, Right, and so it's up for the child to then really decide who in my life is safe, Because you know I've worked with kids. You know that we know we want to think of. Okay, the person that's reading this book to the child is a well adjusted family that want that, love their kids and keeps them safe. And the truth of the matter is that there are some kids that will read my book and not have an adult that keeps them safe. That maybe the adult is the one that makes them, you know. And so it's for the child to define where am I safe?

Michael Devous Jr:

where can I be To help them choose?

Cristal Cook:

And it would be great if the parent can choose. Yes, the parent can choose and they can have that conversation with them or a teacher. So I'm like, okay, well, okay, well, whatever the situation is, where can you go that's safe, you know. For instance, if there is, if a child grows up in a very volatile home where mom and dad are beating each other up, where can that child be safe? Maybe in the bedroom, behind the closet door, where they're not seen and they're quiet, right. So, being away from the perceived danger, that would be the first step.

Michael Devous Jr:

Space where these things grow. I mean, that's the fertile soil of our fears as children, when what looks safe and appears safe to us may not be the same for other people. Right, and the way that we develop that relationship with safety and how we begin to define safety, based on the experiences that we have from our own interpersonal family relationships, our neighborhood relationships and things like that, I can imagine that the psyche of a child developing in a certain set of circumstances where safety is not defined the way that I suppose, if you want to call it normal, those of us who could call normal safety wouldn't be able to perceive those things the same way that we do because of the circumstances they grew up in.

Cristal Cook:

Absolutely. Now, when I'm a therapist, I can have those conversations with the children and help them figure out what's safe. But if I'm not a therapist working with them individually, I can't possibly in good conscience say go to your dad or go to an adult, or go to this, because I can't assume that that's a safe place for them to go.

Michael Devous Jr:

Wow. And so, as adults, when we find ourselves in circumstances that feel as though the emotions are overpowering us, the circumstances are overpowering us. Finding that safe space is also a good lesson and a good tip, I think, because we may not be aware, we've placed ourselves in a situation where we're reacting right, we're in the midst of the reacting as opposed to going wait, wait. Let me take a minute and just pull back from this and give myself some, as you said, some breathing room to assess why I'm feeling the way I'm feeling, and most of us don't allow ourselves the time to assess why we feel the way we feel. We just keep pushing forward.

Cristal Cook:

Absolutely Even taking a break from going to the bathroom, and then this can be applied to fear, or can even be applied to a relationship. That's really if you're having an intense, maybe an argument or debate or interaction with someone that you care about, it is really healthy to just take a deep breath and say, okay, well, this is getting really intense. Can we just take a?

Cristal Cook:

we take five minutes, yeah, that's a good practice and not run away from the conversation because there needs to be a resolution. But when it gets heated, heated, heated, it becomes so heated that then you can't even access the front of your brain.

Michael Devous Jr:

Sure.

Cristal Cook:

And to take. Like you said, let me just go and take a break, let me go to the bathroom, let me go for a walk, go to a safe place.

Michael Devous Jr:

Well, you spend so much time defending yourself and your position, or whatever it is that you think that you're being adamant about, and now you've lost the ability to be objective and to have open ears to hear the other person as well as yourself. Right there's. I feel shut off. Sometimes I get into that space and I feel shut off from my own self and I'm only left with these little, these tiny little options, right the small little window to see the world through, because I'm already in that state.

Cristal Cook:

Right, and so then, going to your safe place, you know, is helpful, even as adults. That's so helpful Even if it's, even if it's as simple. As you know, a really handsome guy approached me on the train like okay, well, maybe I just need to take a walk and come back and realize I'm being, you know, having this going on. And then you, then you, can you, just you redirect yourself, you're redirecting your brain.

Michael Devous Jr:

So what are the three? If there were three takeaways that the kids could take away and adults could take away from Gracie and the book Well, sorry, that's the name of the book, which is Braveheart Gracie and the Vacuum Monster. Braveheart Gracie and the Vacuum Monster.

Cristal Cook:

And Vacuum Monster. Yeah, the three takeaways, yes. So the difference between rational fear and irrational fear, because it's not always a clear cut line. It can be very confusing, and you know, because, like there's a part in the book where the animals are like, well, what about when I go to the vet? You're like the vet is hurting me and it's really scary. It's like, well, you know, yeah, getting a shot as a child is scary and it hurts. So not everything that's painful is irrational fear, Is it? Yeah, is it irrational fear or irrational fear?

Michael Devous Jr:

Right, right.

Cristal Cook:

And I wanted kids to be aware and never lose sight of the fact, of that spidey sense, because it's really easy to talk ourselves into. Well, this is just an irrational fear. Like, for instance, you're in college and, as I say as someone who doesn't matter if you're a guy or a girl, you're in college and a group of kids invite you to go to this party and you feel like something feels off. Well, no, they're popular, they're fun, everybody loves them, they're including me. To go to this party, yep, but you feel like this doesn't feel right to really pay attention to that, because they won't happen to go to the party and they put something in a drink and who knows what happens to you.

Michael Devous Jr:

Right.

Cristal Cook:

So I really wanted them to not live a life being fearful, but to really, when that the hair stands up on the back of your head or when you feel like something is off, to really pay attention to that.

Michael Devous Jr:

Don't you think we don't teach this self-preservation and instinct, in other words, trusting your gut? I feel like there's no class, there's nothing that we take that teaches us how to listen to that and discern the difference between a self-preservation set of instincts and responses versus an oversimplification or a rationalization of something that's taking place that should or could be fearful, right?

Cristal Cook:

Right yeah, and children who are sexually abused. This is a perfect example. Okay, so everybody loves Uncle Tony, everybody loves Uncle Tony. But I feel really uncomfortable with Uncle Tony, and so then the child talks to themselves out of it. Well, uncle Tony gives me presence, uncle Tony gives me attention. I don't feel right around Uncle Tony. Well, oh, now Uncle Tony is asking me to do this, but it must be okay, because everybody loves Uncle Tony.

Michael Devous Jr:

Right.

Cristal Cook:

So almost every child that has been sexually abused felt uncomfortable, but then it was confusing.

Michael Devous Jr:

Sure Right.

Cristal Cook:

Sure, you know, and of course they didn't always have a grownup to protect them, but I wanted them to always give validation to Uncle Tony makes me uncomfortable, and to voice that to somebody.

Michael Devous Jr:

Right how to voice it and feel okay to voice it Right.

Cristal Cook:

And you could be exactly and you may be completely wrong about Uncle Tony, but it's okay for you to feel uncomfortable with Uncle Tony and it's okay as a child to say I don't want to be alone with Uncle Tony. Yes, Uncle Tony's nice Uncle Tony gives me presence, but I don't feel comfortable being alone with Uncle Tony. And, as a child, to be able to say I won't be alone with Uncle Tony, I think that's important because I think, yeah, we don't teach that.

Michael Devous Jr:

Not well, we don't teach it to kids, but even as adults we don't allow ourselves that messaging either. You know, when fear comes up in circumstances where we're uncomfortable with an individual and we just don't want to be there, we talk ourselves out of taking care of ourselves because we don't want to seem rude, we don't want to appear offensive, we don't want to, you know, fill in the blank of all these different things, but we compromise our own integrity and value in these moments. And I think that's something that, when I was looking at fear from an adult standpoint, especially in entrepreneurship and these irrational fears we have set around trying to do, be or have something different than we are today, I think a lot of it comes back to that place where it is integrity and you build self integrity by sticking by the things that matter to you. One is following through with your word on things that you're going to do. But two, when it comes time to honor yourself right, and that's honoring your safety, that's honoring your mind, honoring your instincts If we spend so much time dismissing them, we're chipping away at our own self value and our own integrity.

Michael Devous Jr:

And then, when it comes time to look at a potential future where we think I can go, do that, I can have that. I want to be that we're immediately met with the answer or the messages. Oh no, you, you're not worthy of this because you don't believe in yourself or you don't value yourself enough to actually step into this light. Because here's all the reasons why. Here's all the things you've compromised over time, and those little tiny little things, those little steps, those are others missteps in yourself, integrity and self worth, I think, add up over time and eventually become that internal dialogue that happens as a result.

Cristal Cook:

Absolutely, and there's so many adults that I work with that have a difficult time setting boundaries and saying no. Oh yes, Like you do not have to go to dinner with that person just because they asked you. You do not have to be friends with this person just because they want to be your friend. If it does. You know how many times have you done something and you didn't want to and you do it and like go on and turn it. I didn't want to do this anyway.

Michael Devous Jr:

Yeah. You know, and it's okay to say no when you do, you're, you're, you're, you're chipping away at your self worth. You're literally telling yourself you're not worthy of the of your, of your choice.

Cristal Cook:

It's like it's the worst thing you can do. I know you're you're. Your feelings are more important than what I want, and you know and we don't need to make excuses.

Michael Devous Jr:

Everyone else is more important. Yeah.

Cristal Cook:

Exactly, and there's to be no excuses. It could just be simply thank you for the invitation. I'm unable to go, period. You don't have to say why. I mean. You don't have to say I don't really want to be your friend.

Michael Devous Jr:

Oh, no, no, what we do is we spend an ordinate amount of time crafting a response that you will hide us from.

Cristal Cook:

I know I have to wash every single one of my hair separately, individually, right, we come up with these ridiculous excuses. Yeah, because we don't like, it's okay to just say no.

Michael Devous Jr:

So, speaking of these are the challenges everyone faces. What are the three biggest challenges that you currently think you face? Is it a personal value challenge? Is it a professional challenge? Is it a where are you on that, gosh that?

Cristal Cook:

could be so many things, or should you give me just one.

Cristal Cook:

Give you just one, and you know, actually this came up on my NEO and you and I are the same on this is my. I make decisions like that, you know right, and I describe it as I'm jumping off the high dive in a beautiful dive, and as I'm needing the water, I'm like, oops, I should have checked the depth of the water first, because I make decisions so fast and now I don't miss on opportunities quite a bit, but I also make very quick decisions and then oftentimes I don't regret what I do, but oftentimes then I'm left going oh, I got to, I got to. You know kind of problem solve the situation pretty fast. So I think that's one thing for me, Do you think that's?

Michael Devous Jr:

so for those of us who and I'm maybe I would I can't speak for everybody, but audience. I was an event producer for many years and I lived in chaos. I lived in managing chaos, as we thrive in that environment. So do you think that then, because we know that that's the case, because we know that we are quick decision makers and we do these things, that we, that a part of us, is setting ourselves up in certain circumstances where we get to play that role, that we're choosing paths and walking down paths, that that place us in those more chaotic moments, because that the skill set we have like we've got all these tools, like we've got lots of knives and lots of screwdrivers, but I have no hammers and I have no no to me like, so you find ways to go, like I need more screwdriver moments and more knife moments Like is that something that that people do you think normally, or just I don't know?

Cristal Cook:

I don't know that's a good. I don't. I don't know that my brain thinks that through and I don't know if I'm as good as you at surviving in chaos, but maybe I don't know if I'm saying I'm good at it. I mean because who wants to stay there. You think you're swim right.

Michael Devous Jr:

It's sort of like it's catch-22. I'm so good at chaos Like I don't want to be good at chaos, I'd rather not be in chaos, but I keep finding myself in circumstances where I build chaos, and so I left that industry because I wanted less chaos, you know, and I and I knew that about my life, in order to calm things down and bring my blood pressure down and have a better, healthy, more balanced version of life. I had to recognize it about myself that I was putting myself in those scenarios. So I think it's very interesting that it's one of my challenges too is to always make sure that I'm not gravitating towards the more chaotic choice that you said when you jump and you realized I didn't check the water and how deep it is.

Michael Devous Jr:

I now start asking myself before the jump you know, no, I still want to jump. But if I do like, what are the things I might encounter after jumping? Like, I do prepare myself a little bit differently now so I'm not putting myself in the middle of a situation that I don't want to be in.

Cristal Cook:

Right, and I know. For me, what I do is I find those people who I trust and who don't have a secret agenda slow me down, you know, because some people don't always you know their, their own ideas get in the way. But there are certain people that this is how you are. Let's slow it down a little bit and think things through. And so I've got my couple of people that that I go to and they help slow me down. Like a sounding board or a touchdown person Like a sounding board?

Michael Devous Jr:

Yeah, yeah, I can see that I think I have that too in my life, where my dad is one of those individuals and his wife, julie, is one of those individuals. They're such calm, they're both scientists, so they're very pragmatic in that sense. So they want the facts and they want the pieces and they'll ask for those up front. And I always know I'm in trouble, not with them, but I always know that I'm in trouble if I can't give them specific facts.

Michael Devous Jr:

If I'm, if I'm bringing an issue to them and I don't have those answers, then I know uh, you're not prepared to make the next step of this choice, because you can't even give them these simple facts, that that that should be laid out in front of you and very clear, so that you know how to take the next step. And if I'm jumping too far ahead, that means I've skipped past certain important facts and things like that. So that's very important.

Cristal Cook:

Yeah, that's perfect. Yeah, and what a great skill set. It is this like oh, wait a minute.

Michael Devous Jr:

I don't have these facts. Yeah, I think I got to go back. I know that I'm myself, but it's yeah you need. It's what a good touchstone or a good sounding board will do for you.

Cristal Cook:

Yeah, it will right Versus you know like well, it just feels right, let's just go for it. And if I don't do it right now, the opportunity will be gone. My 20s, that's not the decision. I've got to make the decision right this minute.

Michael Devous Jr:

My 30s, 20 years of my life spent jumping off that duck me board and not asking why, like, wait, there's no water. Oops, oops. Yeah, I think I did, exactly. Did that a lot. So we're going to be running out of time soon and I hate to cut us short, but I want to get to a couple of other things Specific goals and milestones that you have for this year, 2023, which is only halfway over, a little more than halfway over but do you have any specific goals or milestones, especially with this book, I would imagine, but anything else?

Cristal Cook:

Yeah, I really want to get, because I've been overseas for nine years so I came back and for a year I feel like I've just been kind of transitioning and I've got these two books out that I really want to get out into the world.

Michael Devous Jr:

So tell us about the books real quick. Just give us the titles so we can tell the audience.

Cristal Cook:

So yeah. So the first book is called Hope is a Butterfly, if you don't squish the caterpillar.

Michael Devous Jr:

Don't squish the caterpillar. It's a book series, yeah.

Cristal Cook:

And really everything in the book has meaning. So even a title like I named Hope the caterpillar, which is a butterfly, because Hope, right, it signifies Hope, and how often in life do we squish our own caterpillar before we allow ourselves to become a butterfly right, when sometimes we can be our worst enemy? So there's layers to the book and they're the same characters that go through and have these experiences. And the second book is Braveheart Gracie and the Baku Monster, so promoting and all of that. That's a whole other skill set that I do not have, that I'm trying to learn, that I'm trying to develop. And if I could just write my stories I'd be happy, but writing stories doesn't get them out into the world. Nobody's going to know about my stories if they don't get out of people.

Michael Devous Jr:

But good is that if people can't see it, can't hear about it.

Cristal Cook:

So, ladies, and gentlemen, you got to spread the word for Gracie and the Baku Monster.

Michael Devous Jr:

Is that right, gracie and the power, braveheart, braveheart, gracie and the powerless.

Cristal Cook:

Baku Monster. Well, it was powerless and we crossed out the word less and the powerful crossed out the full and the less because she has a change of perspective as she learns a little bit more about her fear, braveheart Gracie and the powerless Baku Monster and the powerless Baku Monster.

Michael Devous Jr:

And then hope is a caterpillar, Don't squish no. Hope is a butterfly, Don't no caterpillar. If you don't squish the caterpillar If you don't.

Cristal Cook:

Well, that's true, because if you do, there goes hope, there's no, going to be a butterfly, exactly yeah, there goes hope right.

Michael Devous Jr:

So okay, we ask our guests what may come on this show, to get vulnerable with us and to share their journeys and stuff. Is there anything particularly vulnerable about your fearless journey you'd like to share with us today, or perhaps something inspirational that you'd like to share with our listeners?

Cristal Cook:

Gosh their fearless journey.

Michael Devous Jr:

Any takeaways from your entire life around the world.

Cristal Cook:

Oh gosh, you know. You talk about vulnerability and all that. Of course, I love Bernie.

Michael Devous Jr:

Brown.

Cristal Cook:

And being vulnerable is not easy, for sure, for anybody, but I think it's the bravest thing you can do, and I think the biggest takeaway and I'm still learning this is to not limit ourselves. I battle with those self-limiting beliefs. I have a ritual every morning and every night to visualize what I want to come into my life, and it will creep up like, well, who do you think you are? Well, this is a silly dream or this will never happen, right? And so to just win those voices, come up, to just practice every day to quiet them. And it's a practice because truly I believe I am. Each one of us can be not always can be our biggest barrier to greatness.

Michael Devous Jr:

I think we can be both our greatest barrier to greatness and our biggest hero, and I think what we've lacked the practice and we lack being the greatest hero in our own lives.

Michael Devous Jr:

we can be very practiced at self-limiting belief. We can be very practiced at telling ourselves we're not good enough. We can be very practiced at harming ourselves and sabotaging ourselves and misstepping and over-judging and not being compassionate. But when do we practice the other side, which is being your biggest true leader and greatest hero in your own life and in your own activities? Absolutely, and that practice, I think, is an important lesson for all of us to remember. So, thank you.

Cristal Cook:

And that it's a daily thing. I think there may be some people that just have it down like I am the greatest thing and I'm going to make this happen. Maybe there are, but I know for me it's a daily thing of quieting the self-limiting beliefs and trying to amplify the positive self-talk.

Michael Devous Jr:

Yes, I think it is a practice, and I think we need to practice the art of loving ourselves better every day so that we can maintain a sense of fearlessness on our journey. And to that end, any parting words for our guests today oh, where can they find you? Where can they find out more about Gracie and you?

Cristal Cook:

Well, so the best place to find me is on my website, crystal-c-r-i-s-t-a-l-cookcom. Awesome, and then everything's on there.

Michael Devous Jr:

Thank you very much, Crystal, for being part of the Fearless Pro, but we didn't do your personality exam.

Cristal Cook:

We didn't, we'll have to come back, and do it again.

Michael Devous Jr:

We'll have to do another interview. Is that okay with you If we do a yeah?

Cristal Cook:

Yes.

Michael Devous Jr:

Okay.

Cristal Cook:

Yes, we can watch it with you for sure.

Michael Devous Jr:

And then I'm sure the audience is going to love to see this, because I haven't even seen the results yet, so we can share them with you live, and we'll do like a little we'll follow up to this. We'll do a follow-up video to this, so we can share the results of my test, the Neo test.

Cristal Cook:

Bring, bring me out the straight jacket. Do you want to take the red pill or?

Michael Devous Jr:

the blue pill.

Cristal Cook:

No, your personality exam was pretty similar to what I had predicted, so it's pretty fun.

Michael Devous Jr:

Well, thanks everybody for joining us on the Fearless Road. Here we are with Crystal Cook, sharing her life's journey and her Fearless path with us today, and we thank you for your time and your attention. Please, whatever you do, stay fearless and love yourselves. Thank you, hey everybody, thank you for listening to the Fearless Road podcast. If you like what you heard, if you love what you see, would you?

Michael Devous Jr:

mind liking and subscribing, following and clicking and sharing. Do all the things. I like to say. I like to say do all the things. Can you do all the things or just do one of the things? Maybe don't do all of them, just do one. That's fine, just do one. Share it with somebody you love. Share it with somebody who thinks needs to hear these messages. Share it with somebody who's on their own Fearless Road and is reminded of their greatness. That's all I got. Share it with somebody, okay, Thanks, bye.